There have been many battles between my mind and soul. This has been going on a quarter century or more. I feel like a warrior in this sense. My soul won the war in 2023 with myt kundalini awakening but skirmishes still break out. Lately, its been all about how to make money. My mind loves to over analyze and invent things to worry about. My soul knows there's no reason to worry. Not that I am stressed about it. I am not. But my ego is trying to worm it's way back into the command position. I know only one thing, I will never abandon my soul again. I will never do things just because the ego wants whatever it wants (safety, wealth, status, title, possessions, glamorous travel). Not if it interferes with my spiritual journey wherever it takes me.
I deleted my spiritual posts, and I suppose it's for the best, because my mind started to worry about senseless things. I try hard to avoid any form of control in any sense. And yes, words can influence things and there are specific things I'd rather not influence.
I've been struggling with getting a job and maybe dropping the store or keep trying to make the store work. The skirmish is whether or not working a corporate job would be "aligned" with my journey. Would it inhibit my spiritual evolution in any way shape or form? Then I had a sudden realization....it's not about anything that I do....it's about my state of mind. That's all it's ever been about.
The principle of serving others as a way to ascend is also a way to help ones own state of mind. Any act of kindness can help people. A person doesn't have to do something grandiose. Smiling at people, holding doors open, being polite, donating or volunteering when you can....that's enough. Being happy helps elevate the people around you. Choosing these things in each moment is what matters. Being grateful for the small wonderful things in life is what matters. There's another job that's possible in 2026. It would be an analytical development job. I would love to get back into AD. In some ways it's easier than doing purification (purification chains me to the bench whereas AD splits time between bench and desk in a way that gives me balance). I could marvel at and be grateful for my instruments (which have always been cool to me). I could be grateful for my colleagues, of course. And kind to them. I could even be grateful for my pipettes. I don't care about the title. I don't care if I'm back in the lab. The simple doing of experiments is something I could take pleasure in. All of that is "within alignment". That is the journey. I like the idea of a small company, because they kind of have to cultivate a happy environment. One disruptive person can kill the entire organization. This appeals to me. But even if there's a person who is overly ambitious, overly perfectionist or micromanages, is egotistical...it becomes a matter of how I choose to react and perceive. I can choose to send love to that person and hope they find healing (I would not talk spirituality with them, nor would I preach or lecture them....it's their journey and none of my business....but I can be loving and forgiving....and I can accept their emotional struggles and understand it's about them and not me).
I have no reason to worry. I have no reason to stress. My ego mind creates illusions for me to stress or angst about. Its up to me to recognize that and see it for what it is (the ego...it has an important job....but without predators and basic survival at stake, it makes things up). Ego is slippery. It sneaks its thoughts in and you think those thoughts are you, when they aren't. There's another version of you that is your higher mind. It's above all that....its the calm wise part of yourself. Maybe it's something in between mind and soul.
This doesn't mean I'll stop my business. I made a sale today! This was encouragement that I needed. I've stopped work on it for a number of days, because each time I make progress, something frustrates me and I put it down. I have to connect each product to my Google app. I have to upload real photos. I have to learn how to make Pinterest posts to attract buyers.
I know how it works in pharma. It's December. The budgets were proposed in October. By December, there's a board pitch. There's a board meeting at the end of the year and the board approves the budget or not. My friend with the possible AD position needs that function, he told me. He likely put it in his budget and now the board has to approve it. The only reason for it not to happen is if the board doesn't approve it or there's a political risk in pushing for it. He told me that I'd be his first choice. If it works out, great! If it doesn't work out, great! There's something better for me. Whatever happens is meant to happen. There's no need to be concerned.
I trust what happens. I trust it's all for the better. While I expect 2026 to be tumultuous in societal terms, I think it could be one of my best years. To me 2025 was for introspection and healing. I believe 2026 will be for building something new, whatever it is.
Thanks for reading.
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